Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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