dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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