thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
