So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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