I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I look better un-naked...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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