I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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