I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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