Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
