If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These tits shall not be calmed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
