please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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