No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
