I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
