Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
