i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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