just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
