They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
