I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
