At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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