As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
