paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
