Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The cops high fived after they tackled you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
