i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
