You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
