So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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