oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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