I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
