so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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