You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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