There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
