hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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