dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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