I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
