Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
