Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
