Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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