I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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