just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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