One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
