The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
