I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
