I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
