I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
