So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
