this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
