If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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