Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
