Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
