im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
