my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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