No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
