I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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