ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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