im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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