Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
