ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
