I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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